My mother always told me that if I wanted to kick any sort of habit that the hardest 3’s were the biggest hill I had to climb.  3 days were the hardest.  3 weeks were a little harder.  3 months is when it get’s steady.

Today I am halfway up the first 3 day trek up the hill, and it is not easy.  I didn’t think it would be easy- it’s just much harder than I thought it would be. 

I woke up later than I had hoped to this morning (actually 4 hours later than I had intended to)- so upon waking up I was thinking that the day was ruined.  The alcohol brain started to tell the human brain that there was nothing left of the day except to drink.  Go ahead, do it- it’s just a block or two away, and you’ll feel better.  I stood up, got dressed to go to the store, and really had an internal battle with whether or not I should just give it.  JUST FOR TODAY.

Internal conflict is the worst of all.  I am a pretty easy going person.  I can easily handle conflict with other people- as I rarely ever have it (and if I do it’s so entirely random that I can just overlook it and keep going).  However, the battle with myself is one of the greatest that I’ve ever had to take on.

Is it really a battle with myself, or some other thing that has contaminated, grown, and taken over myself?  I’m starting to think the latter- and that is what motivated me throughout the day.  I am stronger than the thing inside of me, and slowly I have to kill it.  Nobody else can.  Just me.